We get asked a lot if we have any tips or tricks on how to help someone improve their approach to dating using the Enneagram. While many things are universal, each type has some traps they tend to fall into when they’re on a date. Here are a few common type 1 traps.
1. Being overly polite
Ones can be polite to the extent of not being themselves, which puts up an emotional wall between them and their date.
Tip: Share your intensity without hesitation. Trying to suppress intensity can manifest as uptightness. Express your intensity when it rises—it gives your date something to connect with or grapple with, which often works in your favor.
2. Being appropriate
Naturally attuned to being appropriate, Ones may withhold too much. Appropriate conversations tend to keep things pleasant, but often don’t create desire.
Tip: Wear your desires on your sleeve. You don’t need to be explicit (especially early on), but don’t repress either. Allow your interest to show through eye contact or tone of voice. People find it exciting to be desired.
3. Desire to be factual & right
Ones can pay excess attention to facts and ignore the emotional landscape of the date. Instead of hearing the other person out, they may overly focus on why they’re incorrect.
Tip: Lean into your playfulness. Dates often appreciate someone who can blend competence, integrity, and humor, and Ones naturally have these in spades. Take a few risks to loosen up yourself and the overall vibe.
With their sturdiness and integrity, Ones often already possess many of the qualities people look for in a partner. Using these three tips, Ones can bring their full selves to the table, making them even more irresistible to the right person.